My obit so far

Actually I have just gotten to 1991, but this is it.
I have no plans of using this anytime soon, but I also don't want to wait until the last minute and have some yokel at a newspaper write it.

Thomas Graser, (AGE), passed way,(DATE). His death came as a surprise to him.
Graser was born on Sept. 20, 1958 (remember this date, it becomes important later) in Plattsburgh, NY to Mary (Cotter) and Lt. Col (ret.) Ted Graser. They are both still kicking.
Graser attended 13 schools before graduating in 1977 from Plattsburgh High School. Graser was the senior class president, the prom king and had a less than remarkable academic record. He was the last varsity wrestler to graduate from Plattsburgh High School. He was a lousy wrestler, but he was in no way responsible for the demise of the program. It was doomed anyway.
Graser also played football and made second-team all-star as a nose-guard his senior year. It should be noted that only one other team in the league employed an odd man defensive front.
During high school, Graser spent three weeks with two friends camping and hiking in the Canadian Rockies near Jasper, Alberta. After one week he called his mother from the train station in Jasper to tell her everything was going well. He wept after he hung up the phone. Still, it was one of the greatest adventures of his life.
Graser began his collegiate career at the State University of New York at Oswego where me majored in Rugby football, all-you-can-drink beer blasts and fist fights with fraternities.
After two years of erratic academic effort, Graser left Oswego to pursue a career as a store clerk.
He attended two rehab semesters at Clinton Community College were he spent most of his time staring at the stunning view of Lake Champlain and fending off rumors that he was dating his cousin. (He rode to school each day with his cousin and everyone assumed they were boyfriend and girlfriend.)
He later attended the State University of New York at Plattsburgh were he discovered that actually going to classes and reading the books went a long way towards getting good grades. He graduated with a low B.
Upon graduation, Graser moved to Boston where he lived on the floor of a closet, worked as a bouncer in a rock and roll bar, raised money for political activists and argued over the proper place to store ketchup.
Eventually he moved back to Plattsburgh were he began working in bars and gas stations and riding a bicycle.
In 1984 Graser experienced another great cross-country adventure when he and a friend drove a 22-foot Ryder rental truck from Plattsburgh, N.Y. to Yuma, Ariz. In 54 hours.
His big plan was to ride from Yuma to Denver, Col. on his bicycle, where he would attend his sister's wedding.
His bike ride lasted one day, covered about 90 miles and ended with heat exhaustion and a ride from some Hopi Indians in a pick-up truck. He spent the night in the Hai Bali Motel in Quartzite, Ariz. The next day he called some friends in Phoenix for a ride and then spent the day drinking beer with the Quartzite locals in the Quartzite Yacht Club (Long time no sea).
Graser spent the 1984 National Football League season in Denver, mooching off his sister and learning that scotch has a habit of sneaking up on you.
Shortly after leaving Denver, Graser landed a job in Plattsburgh as the night-time board operator on WEAV-A.M. Radio. He pre-recorded a weather forecast and untangled the giant reels of tape that he somehow tangled up each night while monitoring the station's automation.
Through a series of disastrous management mistakes Graser became the morning announcer at the station. He also provided color commentary for college hockey games and worked on the weekends as a wedding D.J.