My Cancer Column

My Saturday Cancer Column

This is the column I wrote for our Saturday Health section. The topic was cancer

Don't be afraid to talk cancer
If there is an upside to being diagnosed with cancer it's that you get to meet a lot of nice people.

It's really not surprising. There are plenty of opportunities. I spent nearly a year visiting doctors, treatment centers, hospitals and imaging centers. I never encountered an empty waiting room.

I have said since the beginning of my cancer journey that people don't talk enough about cancer.

Let me clarify. People don't talk enough about cancer publicly.

People talk to you individually.

As soon as I let people know about my diagnosis, I started to hear stories.

"I was given three months to live and that was 15 years ago," was one of the first stories I heard. It was followed by several survivor stories.

It wasn't just local people, or friends, or business acquaintances.

One night, while I was home alone, the phone rang.

On the other end of the line was the aunt of a friend. A woman I had never met before.

It turns out that 11 years ago she had the same cancer I had and wanted to tell me that she got through it and I would, too.

Believe me, it was great to talk with someone who had been there before.

The best thing she told me was that, while she would tell me everything she knew, she would only tell me things she knew from personal experience.

She wasn't going to tell me stories she had heard or read or offer any speculation.

It was going to be straight up truth about what exactly happened to her.

She gave me tips on diet, let me know what to expect and most importantly, gave encouragement when I needed it most. She constantly reminded me that my experience would likely be different.

We talked almost weekly through my treatment and right up to my surgery. I don't know if my friend on the phone knows how important she was to me.

Her influence lingers. I talk

about my cancer a lot. Some might say I won't shut up about it.

As an editor of a newspaper, I don't like it when we refer to someone by their disease. I cringe when I see phrases like, she is a diabetic, or he is epileptic. You can't define a person by an affliction or a disease.

But, in a way, my cancer has defined me. My cancer is there when I make decisions. My cancer makes me treat people differently. My cancer affects the way I do my job and the way I feel about my family.

And, even though I won't shut up about my cancer, I am sticking to the lesson my telephone friend taught me.

I only talk about things I know from personal experience and I will always emphasize that everyone's experience is different. You might get chemo and have no side effects. Mine for the most part were mild, yours might not be mild. You can't tell how anyone is going to react and I can only tell you what happened to me.

So, here is what I learned from my personal experience.

# Don't be embarrassed to talk to someone about things that might be happening to you.

I kept my symptoms to myself for more than a month because it had to do with what was happening in the bathroom.

If I hadn't finally said something to my wife, who knows what might have happened to me.

# If you are a grown up, you have to have a relationship with a doctor. You might not need a yearly physical if you are young and healthy, but you need to have a medical professional that knows you. You need to have someone you can go to when you notice something going wrong.

# Don't be embarrassed to tell or show your doctor anything. You make your doctor's job a lot easier if you are open and honest. Don't make them figure out what is wrong with you, tell them.

# If you notice a change in how your body works don't assume it is a normal part of aging.

# Don't be afraid of medical procedures no matter how invasive. Nothing hurts for very long and you can get used to most anything.

This is the second time I've been cured of cancer. In each case I had only passing knowledge of the disease before I was diagnosed.

If someone was trying to send me a message, believe me, they got their point across.

I know, from personal experience, that cancer can be beat. But, it can't be beat, if we don't talk, if we don't ask questions, if we don't share our experiences.